I feel like I was writing this kind of post two hundred times in the past. I’m always starting again, always from scratch, always trying to build something, always trying to change many things. and eventually always failing. well, this is not true. not all true. I’m always failing with the whole plan, but always making a few steps forward, always improving something in my life. sometimes it’s one little thing, another time it’s five huge things. it’s never the whole story, but it’s always something. and it’s ok. actually it’s very ok. I’m giving myself permission to not feel guilty about my past attempts, to not call them failures, to start again.

so, where I am now? let’s see.

• it’s monday, 7 am. is there a better time to start something than monday morning?
• 73.1 kg on my scale – this is important. for me. I’m trying to go below 70 kg. well, I remember when I was trying to go below 80 kg.
• drinking my coffee. with oat milk. without sugar. this no‑sugar thing is hard. but I’m doing it again. I feel like sugar is responsible for 20% of bad things in my life. it’s probably not true, but it shows how big this fight is for me right now.
• I’m a little ill right now. a big runny nose that already moved to my sinuses. I rested most of the weekend, but today my body has to start getting ready for a lot of movement, exercise, dancing.
• and yeah, I’m still learning to dance. jazz, modern jazz, contemporary. third year. still having the greatest fun with this. still feeling there’s so much to learn, so much to improve. I’m so far from what I want to accomplish that I’m actually scared to even write about it.
• I’m 41 years old. not so important, but… kind of is. or maybe not? I live the life of someone closer to 30. but I’m 41. this is a topic I’ll have to think about one day. but not today. and not tomorrow.
• I’m writing in english. still. last year, during one of my transformations, I switched my life – and my blog – from polish to english. I always wanted this, tried several times, but only the last change really clicked. it’s harder than living in polish (I live in poland, so…), but it was worth it.
• I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. this is also important. I’m fighting with food all the time. or… a better way to say it: I’m paying close attention to what I eat and when I eat. this framing works better for me.
• I’m writing this on my beloved ipad. standing. drinking coffee. listening to calm music. with too many ideas in my head. for this blog. for my life. for the next fights.

this is the life I want to live.

let’s see what happens next.