: few days ago my parents bought a second fridge. and the second, separate freezer. and of course they’re not selling the old ones. they just keep everything, just in case.
and every time I see this, I get why I became a minimalist. I grew up in a house where things never left. where every old device stayed “because maybe one day”.
I guess I’m just the opposite now. that’s all.
: after my #divorce, i was afraid that my daughters wouldn’t trust me much. that it would feel strange when they stayed at my place – for me and for them. that it would be hard to live, even for a few days, in my minimalistic, one-room house – this weird, symbiotic space so different from every other #home. i thought it would be hard for them. hard for me. awkward most of the time. it’s not easy to let someone into such a closed world – even your own kids.
but it’s not like that at all. it’s the opposite. i feel so good when they’re here, in this stupid little house. and even more — i can feel that they also feel great here with me. we talk a lot, we always eat together, we laugh almost every minute we’re together. we fight against fast food, go rollerblading, watch our dancing videos – because we’re all learning to dance! and i don’t think it’s a coincidence.
in the first year after the divorce, after leaving my wife, i often wondered if it was the right decision. today i’m sure it was – the most important one of my life. and i’m so glad everything turned out this way. i feel deeply grateful – for my choices, but also for all those little coincidences that led me here.
or… maybe there are no coincidences?
my daughters are sleeping right now, and i can’t wait to wake them up to spend another morning with them. yeah, i was so wrong at first. i’m glad they’re here. and… i think… they also feel good here, with me.
my older daughter, when she was little, often lost all sorts of strange things in her room. from toys to clips, hair elastics and headbands. she would then come to me and say:
dad, I’ve got a problem. I lost that red doll with the long dress. you know which one. but that’s okay, right? you’ll help me find it?
who among us hasn’t forgotten where we put our wallet, headphones, charger, purse, or car keys? we’re always looking for something. at school, we could blame the dog for eating our homework. but how do you explain to a police officer that the dog ate your driver’s license?
once school is over, forgetfulness starts to cost more. sometimes money, sometimes just nerves.
it’s not so bad when you can go to the store and buy a new doll. worse when it’s a rare library book, a memory card with your vacation photos, or a wedding ring you took off “just for a moment.” that’s when panic starts. and in panic, it’s hard to find anything.
so I made a little plan — first for my daughters, later for myself.
it works not only when you’re looking for toys, but also when you’ve lost your calm, patience, or sense of direction.
believe me, in many cases it all ends here. just stop, take a few calm breaths and… suddenly you remember where it lies.
calmness really helps you find more than nerves.
if that doesn’t work – try to calm down. slow down. sit in silence for a while. let the thoughts stop racing.
I have already written about a simple way to calm down – go back to it.
the goal is simple: forget everything, even the doom.
see yourself from a distance, along with your flaws, inattention, absentmindedness.
sometimes you have to accept chaos to find something in it.
are you sure it’s even yours?
it sounds funny, but children often look for toys that aren’t theirs at all. maybe they just saw them at someone’s house.
in the adult world it can be similar – we look for things we think we’ve lost, when in fact we never had them.
it’s worth making sure.
sometimes the answer is trivial: you borrowed. either from someone or yourself from someone.
my daughter loves to swap toys and always forgets who she gave what to.
maybe you also gave something away – and forgot?
now just starting the actual search.
start with where the thing should be.
maybe a shelf above the bed, maybe a table, maybe a drawer, just not the one you need.
sometimes something just fell behind a cabinet.
look where you’re “sure you’ve already checked”. because that’s where it most often lies.
my daughter is looking for slippers every morning. usually they are under the bed, but sometimes – in the bathroom.
it is worth tracing the path that the doom may have traveled.
if it is not at its destination, it probably got stuck along the way.
just like those slippers that sometimes do not arrive in the evening from the bathroom under the bed.
no, it’s not about stealing. it’s about coincidence.
sometimes someone just takes something of yours, not knowing you’ll be looking for it later.
in my house is a classic: one daughter plays with the other’s toys.
or my wife’s tidying up – which can effectively “tidy up” my stuff too.
these seven points are most often enough.
sometimes I find one daughter’s doll, sometimes the other daughter’s cuddly toy, and sometimes my wallet behind the cabinet.
sometimes the electricity bill in the coloring books, and the tablet – in the sock drawer (don’t ask).
but there are also things that stay lost. and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. maybe not everything needs to be found.
because sometimes when you lose something – you find something more important: patience, detachment, a smile.
and this is not likely to get lost anymore.
