Tag: process

Monday, 19.01.2026

: I’ve started new classes. A new place, a completely new space, a new teacher. Everything is new. New movements, a lot of . And it’s hard. Really hard.

Most of the time I don’t feel great there. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong — not just with my , but also with remembering the . I miss steps, I get lost, I react too late. What’s interesting is that I’m not even that self-conscious anymore. I was much worse a year or two ago. Still, it hurts. I’m . Not angry — frustrated.

In my regular classes, with teachers I know well, I learned how to hide . I know my tricks. Here, with someone new, I can’t hide anything. Everything is visible. Every error. The class is two hours long. Two full hours of with almost every movement. It’s exhausting, emotionally more than physically.

Today was the second class. And it was better. Not good — just a little better. Tiny steps. A long way ahead before I feel comfortable there, but it feels doable. That matters.

Maybe it’s actually easier not to give up because it’s so hard. I’m strange like that. If something is too easy, it doesn’t hold me for long. I need friction. I need . After these classes, are high. I’m driving home and I can feel that old pattern waking up — eating stress, eating emotions. But this time there’s a pause. Recording this, then transcribing it, gives me enough space to not buy something awful for my body.

So no, I don’t feel good after these classes. But I stay.

#body#choreography#classes#dance#emotions#frustrated#frustration#improvisation#mistakes#process#resistance#struggle#struggling
Koniec roku 2026
Koniec

Sunday, 28.12.2025

: almost a year ago, an idea showed up in my head. to take an old garage – full of old stuff, dirty, forgotten – and turn it into my own room. a workout room. a small private . mine. for a year, it was just a , and during that year I was slowly doing it. cleaning. throwing things away. fixing. arranging. changing this weird, dirty place into something real.

now I’m thinking about it and I’m proud. five minutes ago I wasn’t. but when I look at the whole , I am. really. it was a very old, very dirty place. and now it’s a room. a workout room. my .

today I went there for the first training. the first one after almost a year of building instead of using. and it was hard. not physically – mentally. this place isn’t finished. not even close. but it’s good enough to start. so I started. six minutes. only six minutes of actual workout. I was there much longer, but the workout itself was six minutes. and that was fine. it was hard. but it was good.

there was a lot of . switching from creating this place to actually using it. from the room. from the . from myself. now it’s late evening and I already know something: I will go there tomorrow. and the day after tomorrow. and the next day too. I won’t say “I hope”. I will use it.

I’ve been waiting for this for so long. and now it’s here. done enough. real. usable. this already came true. now I just need to live inside it. and maybe… let the go. and have fun there. we’ll see.

#consistency#dance#discipline#dream#dreams#gym#movement#pressure#pride#process#space#transformation

Friday, 26.12.2025

: I decided to stop drinking . not as an experiment – as something permanent. I’ve been circling around this for months, mentioning it here and there on my blog. affects me too much, and I don’t like the state it puts me in.

after a few days without it, my body calmed down. mornings were quieter. my head clearer. less tension, less internal noise. I started dealing with silence more easily.

then I was out for breakfast with , at a coffee place. and… I ordered coffee. without thinking. a large one. probably two espressos. no decaf, no pause – old habit took over. and yes, the taste was great.

the reaction wasn’t. tension came back almost immediately. tight chest, restless body, mind speeding up for no reason. after a few calm days, the contrast was brutal. this is what caffeine does to me. I’ve known it for years, but feeling the difference so clearly is something else. they gave me a sugar packet, I added it automatically. once I broke one rule, breaking another was easy. caffeine plus sugar – old pattern, no reflection. that part disappointed me.

I went back to not drinking coffee at home. things settled again.

and then one early morning, with work to finish, I made coffee at home. actually, two. something completely normal for the old me. this time I noticed something new. not just tension – my heart rate went up. not panic, not chaos. smooth, controlled, but clearly faster. my body noticed before my thoughts did.

that moment stopped me.

when caffeine isn’t constant anymore, its effects become impossible to ignore. it’s no longer background noise. it’s a clear signal. coffee isn’t neutral for me. it changes my system. it shifts my internal tempo. it puts me in a state I don’t choose.

this isn’t a lesson learned. it’s part of the . I’m still adjusting. still slipping sometimes. still paying attention. but the decision is clear – I don’t want caffeine in my life as a daily, mindless habit. maybe it can be useful sometimes. maybe not at all. I’ll see.

this post is just a marker. this is where it became obvious.

#awareness#body signals#caffeine#change#coffee#decisions#habits#health#nervous#nervous system#process

Monday, 15.12.2025

: something happened tonight. not a thought. not a plan. a move.

for weeks I’ve been making small . quiet ones. almost invisible. and tonight it all piled up and spilled out at once. I took things out of my . physically. deliberately. things that don’t belong there anymore. things that don’t belong in my anymore – even if I’m not ready to name all the reasons yet.

this is the result of that moment. not the end. not even the beginning. just proof that a line was crossed. and that a new is already forming. I’ll come back to this.

#change#decisions#environment#kitchen#life#minimalism#night#photo#process#reality