I’m #writing. #music is playing. #snow and sun at the same time behind the window. and it feels so unreal how #calm this #morning is.
I keep thinking how long it took me to experience a day like this. forty-one starts before this one. and only now it feels right.
last year comes back to me too. 2025 was good. solid. important.
today feels like a good moment to close it properly. to look back once more. and then move forward, slowly, into what’s next.
Koniec roku 2026
Koniec
Wednesday, 31.12.2025
: yesterday ended with two sentences. one came from my own thinking. the other from words I heard. I didn’t argue with either of them. I just kept them.
if nothing changes, nothing changes.
nothing should be forced.
Sunday, 28.12.2025
: it’s okay to change direction. as many times as needed. that’s called learning. so let’s…
Thursday, 11.12.2025
: I’m overcomplicating things way too often. simple is the best. the easiest. the right way. so let’s… just keep it #simple.
Monday, 08.12.2025
: I heard this today in the #morning. and I stopped myself for a second, just to think about it:
who you are? in this moment in time. and who you want to be. you get one #life, you decide how you gonna spend it.
yeah… just a small, stupid quote from some american movie. but these tiny questions sometimes hit harder than the big ones. they actually help me make better decisions. small decisions. like now, this #morning. looking back at my last week and seeing how many things didn’t go the way they should’ve.
and it’s ok. because with questions like this I can look at it again, shift a few things, fix a few others. do something new, or stop doing something old. we’ll see where this goes.
yesterday’s #morning started as something small. slow #coffee (without #sugar), favorite #podcast, kitchen #cleaning, some december’s sunlight on the table. nothing big, actually I felt I was finally #resting for a moment. and I just wanted to write a few #thoughts down and enjoy the moment. but somehow… it turned into one of the most important conversations I’ve had here in a long time. and it wasn’t even a typical chat.
I was using my special #chatgpt profile – the one built for deep, reflective conversations, full of long instructions, layers, and rules that help me look at patterns I don’t usually see myself. I talked out loud into the transcribe function of chatgpt. my voice turned into #text. that text went to chat, then I tapped to listen to the #response. so the whole thing felt like #talking to someone, but with little pauses in between – not a voice chat, not typing, more like a strange, gentle rhythm of speaking, listening, noticing. I like this kind of conversations, it’s like having chatgpt responses to my #journal entries. well, it’s exactly like that.
and somehow that rhythm opened something. I thought I was simply appreciating a good #morning. instead, it became a mirror. and it showed something completely different than calmness and slowness.
what I expected to be a soft, gentle check-in ended up showing me a pattern I wasn’t fully aware of – the way I stretch myself, how I avoid disappointing #people, how easily I sacrifice the parts of me that should be protected. and I didn’t notice it until now. until that #morning that felt “too good,” too light, too calm… and suddenly made sense in a completely different way.
the entire #conversation lasted about two hours, mixed into my whole morning. two hours of talking, pausing, listening, thinking, and slowly arriving somewhere completely unexpected.
I didn’t plan this. I didn’t look for it. it just happened.
I want to keep this #conversation as a footprint. not because someone else has to read it, but because I want to have it on my path – a reminder of the moment something clicked, quietly and unexpectedly. a moment where a perfect #morning turned into a turning point.
so below is the full #conversation. lightly edited (I also blurted-out a few very personal stuff), but it’s mostly as it happened.
a morning that changed shape halfway through. a morning that showed me something about myself I wasn’t planning to see. a morning worth keeping.
: today is one of those strange emotional days. nothing dramatic, but something inside me shifted. I overslept, missed my #sunday classes, and suddenly everything felt heavier than it should. I can feel that I sacrificed a lot this week – #dance, #routines, little pieces of myself – and today that weight finally showed up. I’m not making decisions, I’m not digging into it. I just want to note it down: today feels confusing, lonely, a bit disappointing. I’m noticing it. just noticing. I’ll look at it again tomorrow, with a clearer head.
Tuesday, 04.11.2025
: well, a few days ago I installed #strava. and you know what? I think I already uninstalled it in my head.
I wanted to like it. really. I thought: “okay, it’s the main app for sport – everyone uses it, so maybe I should too.” but after a few days, I don’t see it. I don’t feel it. and that’s the problem – I don’t feel it fits me.
sure, it connects my workouts from the #applewatch. but I hate that it pings me after workouts, and that sometimes I have to open the app just to make the sync happen. and then – the flood of notifications. small, random pings about things I don’t care about. it’s supposed to motivate me, I guess, but honestly it just drains me.
and that’s kind of the story with Strava for me – I can see how it works, I understand what it tries to do, but it doesn’t speak my language.
because I don’t want an app that yells “run more” or “beat your record.” I already have that voice inside my head.
what I need is something that understands me – my rhythm, my needs, my life system. something that looks at all my data and says: “Greg, I’ve noticed this pattern. when you dance in the evening, you sleep better. when you skip stretching for two days, your mood drops.”
that’s the kind of feedback I want – not another “congratulations, you earned a badge.”
I’m more of a journal person than a sport app person. I like apps that help me understand myself. that reflect something back to me. I want my apps to sync, to talk to each other, to quietly guide me – not command me. like a wise companion, not a drill sergeant.
and maybe that’s why Strava doesn’t work for me. it’s built for runners and bikers – people who chase stats. but I’m not chasing numbers. I’m chasing awareness. I’m chasing connection. I want something that fits into my whole “fine life” system, not something that just counts calories and speed.
when I think about the perfect app, I imagine something that combines kindness with brutal honesty. like: “Greg, you messed up. you skipped stretching again. fix it.” – but said with love.
I don’t need soft motivation, but I don’t need pushy alerts either. I need truth. the kind that kicks me, but keeps me going.
and maybe one more thing – I like when an app describes me. when it tells me who I am based on what I do. like: “you’re the kind of person who dances late, works in cafés, and runs only when he feels like proving something.” I want that kind of reflection. because it helps me see – and sometimes change – my patterns.
so yeah… maybe Strava is not for me. and that’s fine. because sometimes, trying an app is not about finding a tool – it’s about finding yourself. actually, it’s more than “sometimes.”
Sunday, 02.11.2025
: so, I’ve installed #badoo again. it’s like tinder, you know – swipe, match, chat, repeat. I do this once a year, maybe. I don’t even know why now. because I know it’s not a good idea. you can meet people there, yes, but not the kind of people I actually want to meet. and not in the way I want to meet them. still, here I am, doing it again.
maybe it’s because I’ve been a bit #sick lately. a little cold, a little tired. it’s hard to be alone when you don’t feel great. when everything’s fine, being alone feels fine too. but when it’s not – that’s when it gets harder.
and maybe… maybe it’s not even about #loneliness. maybe I just needed to do something. something that feels like movement, but isn’t really. maybe installing the app is just a trick – to make myself believe I’m doing something about that small emptiness inside. like scratching an itch that doesn’t really go away. maybe it’s just my way to calm a few #emotions down without actually changing anything. because deep down I know an app won’t change anything. it never does.
this is not a ritual. it’s a moment of weakness. but also a small experiment in self-control. because I can watch myself from the outside and think: ok, that’s my brain observing my #emotions again.
for most of the year I’m fine alone. maybe not happy about it, but I know it’s best for me. my life isn’t typical. I’m not typical. it’s hard to share a life like mine – full of strange routines, weird habits, constant changes. even my kids, who love being here, probably wouldn’t want to live like me all the time. sleeping on a yoga mat, eating while standing, no table, no chairs. I know. not exactly family-friendly.
and still, sometimes, I just want someone to share a moment with. not to take care of me, not to fix anything. just to share something, to make the hard parts a bit easier. that’s probably what I’m really looking for when I swipe. but even that thought feels strange to admit. like something slightly shameful. maybe because I think I should be above it. maybe because needing someone feels too human for the version of me that wants to stay in control.
the funny thing is, I don’t even believe in “second halves.” my brain keeps telling me it’s impossible, that it won’t happen. and my brain is usually right. but my #emotions… they don’t care. they just go.
and I have this complicated relationship with my #emotions. I don’t like them, because they lead me to wrong things – fast food, Netflix, wasting time. but they also bring me to good things – dance, for example. my brain knew I wanted to start dancing, but it was my emotions that pushed me through the door of my dance school for the first time. same with switching my blog to English. my brain planned it for months, but my emotions just said ok, now. they’re the starter, the accelerator, the reason I actually move.
my brain is the strategist. my #emotions are the doer. and I guess I need both – even if one of them keeps installing #Badoo once a year.
in the end, maybe it’s not sadness. maybe it’s just physics. and I’m just learning how to balance the forces.
Koniec
Thursday, 30.10.2025
: I haven’t been weighing myself lately, because I’m afraid of what I might see on the scale. so I just let it go. I try not to think about it, not to look at it. I even threw it out of my morning routine, just so I don’t accidentally see the number.
yeah, I know… but the fact that I’m writing about it probably means I’m getting ready to change that.
Monday, 27.10.2025
: #dreams are such a strange thing. it’s like my head goes totally crazy, living in its own world, going on its own #journey. last night’s dream was exactly like that. I dreamt about some kind of alternative life – living in a different place, a small apartment somewhere in Warsaw, I guess. and it felt so! real!
when I woke up, I didn’t actually know where I was. for a couple of minutes, I was convinced the dream was my real life. like my head refused to come back.
I like dreaming, especially now – after fixing so many things in my life. when there are no hidden fears anymore, when I can actually deal with my own shit. #dreams became not only tolerable, but even kind of pleasant. they don’t scare me anymore.
but last night… was an intense experience.
Thursday, 23.10.2025
: sometimes, to make a #change, you just have to make a #change. a small one.
like changing the #direction where – or how – you #sleep. you know, upside down. just #sleep upside down.
start with this tiny thing and see what happens.
and if it doesn’t work, try something else.
change another small thing.
something will stick.
something will click.
and that one small thing might be the tip of the iceberg – the thing that changes everything.
: i’m sitting in a coffee shop ( @green cafe nero ), writing, thinking, planning the rest of the day, calming down. and then a group of young girls walks in. seven, maybe eight of them. around nine or ten years old. they make so much noise, running all over the place, getting excited about a free glass of water they got from the barista, ordering small coffees or whatever that was. and they’re everywhere.
i look at them and think – what a great way to spend time with friends. and i’m jealous. jealous of that energy, of that life, of being so #active and happy. i’d love to live like that. well, actually, i try to live like that, with the same kind of energy. but it’s hard to find people my age who want to live like that too – who want to move, laugh, run around like those girls.
i just hope they’ll never turn into those tired, drained, sitting, always-resting adults. mentally, or maybe energetically, i feel closer to those ten-year-old girls than to “my people”.
: i can’t say it was a bad day yesterday, but it was hard, you know. the first part of the day – until maybe 4 p.m. – was great. just great. i even added my mood to Apple Health and picked “pleasant”. it was a pleasure, a very high-energy day. so yeah, the first part was just great.
the second part… well, maybe “tricky” is the right word. i decided to go to my roller lessons, just to move a bit before my jazz class. to feel the music – i love riding with music, kind of dancing on rollers. i just love it. it can be either amazing or really depressing sometimes, but yesterday i felt it could be one of those great rides.
and it was, until i slightly went off the path and one of my car tires went flat. yeah, not the rollers – the car. it happened on my way there. not great, as you can imagine. then i found out my car doesn’t even have a spare tire. it’s a small car, and there’s simply no space for one. but still, i stayed calm. i waited about an hour for roadside help, and when they finally came, the guy changed the tire and also fixed the other one, because it turned out that one was punctured and the other was damaged too. so yeah, unexpected money spent.
i managed to catch the last part of the roller lesson – from two hours, only about 45 minutes left. i had some fun, didn’t really get into the full flow, but okay. then, on my way to the jazz class, i started to feel that the car was driving a bit differently. maybe it was just my imagination, but i didn’t feel fully confident anymore.
and during the jazz lesson… i was kind of exhausted. it’s the hardest one for me – fast, full of quick movements – and sometimes i just can’t keep up.
but now, the next morning, i know i didn’t do anything stupid with my dinner. in fact, i ate almost nothing, and it was actually good for me. i slept through the whole night, little longer than usual, but that’s fine. and today i feel okay. it was a hard day yesterday, but it’s behind me. i’m in a good mood, there’s a lot to do today, and life goes on. it’s okay.
I watched a Polish #video the other day – a #conversation between journalist Bogdan Rymanowski and professor Grażyna Cichosz. It’s called “żywieniowy przekręt (link here),” which roughly means “the nutrition scam.” It’s a long, emotional talk about #food, #health, and a global #conspiracy that, according to the professor, has been poisoning us for decades. I didn’t plan to watch it. someone I know sent it to me, meaning it was worth watching. but I could feel what she meant. and that’s what caught my attention – not the #video itself, but how easily we still believe in something just because it feels powerful, dramatic, or brave.
: my last weeks of stupidity made me gain a little weight again – around one, maybe one and a half kilos more than I wanted to keep. so I went back above 73 kg. and that’s actually good – a kind of punishment for the last days, a clear signal that this bullshit is over. because as long as I was below 73 kg, I felt like I still had time, like I could still mess around, still “have fun”, I had that stupid feeling of impunity. but now, when I saw 73.8 kg, it hit me – okay, dude, you’ve gone too far, get back to yourself. it was a final confirmation that I’m returning to strong, disciplined self-care. the end of a period of stupidity, chaos, disorganization, transition. and, strangely enough, a necessary moment. because thanks to it, I made some decisions, changed a few things – things I probably wouldn’t have changed if I hadn’t messed up. so now I’ve taken another step forward. fortunately, I’m starting from +1.5 kg, not +4 kg, so it’s not bad. and I know I have a chance to finally go below 70 kg – something I haven’t done yet. now, with new energy, new tools, new thoughts, I can do it. these are the advantages of my failures. it’s a pity that my growth so often begins with mistakes… but maybe that’s just how I grow – through failure, awareness, and the will to rise again.
Sunday, 19.10.2025
: I feel as if I’ve finally fulfilled all the expectations of everything around me – everything that doesn’t align with my main, most important goals in life.
I used to say that I “fucked up” in the past few days. But today I think I can say I just gone through every possible point of wrong choices. It’s Sunday evening, and I feel like I’ve had enough – that I’ve done everything wrong that I had to do – and now I’m ready to return to the right path. The strict one.
I hope this moment becomes a new beginning for me, a spark that starts something big and real in my everyday life. I hope that tomorrow morning I’ll wake up and not only remember all this, but also feel strong motivation to keep going that way.
Cenię prywatność użytkowników
Używam plików cookie, aby poprawić jakość przeglądania, wyświetlać reklamy lub treści dostosowane do indywidualnych potrzeb użytkowników oraz analizować ruch na stronie.
Kliknięcie przycisku „Akceptuj wszystkie" oznacza zgodę na wykorzystywanie przeze mnie plików cookie.
Dostosuj preferencje dotyczące zgody
Niezbędny
Zawsze aktywne
Niezbędne pliki cookie mają kluczowe znaczenie dla podstawowych funkcji witryny i witryna nie będzie działać w zamierzony sposób bez nich. Te pliki cookie nie przechowują żadnych danych umożliwiających identyfikację osoby.
Funkcjonalny
Funkcjonalne pliki cookie pomagają wykonywać pewne funkcje, takie jak udostępnianie zawartości witryny na platformach mediów społecznościowych, zbieranie informacji zwrotnych i inne funkcje stron trzecich.
Analityka
Analityczne pliki cookie służą do zrozumienia, w jaki sposób użytkownicy wchodzą w interakcję z witryną. Te pliki cookie pomagają dostarczać informacje o metrykach liczby odwiedzających, współczynniku odrzuceń, źródle ruchu itp.
Wydajność
Wydajnościowe pliki cookie służą do zrozumienia i analizy kluczowych wskaźników wydajności witryny, co pomaga zapewnić lepsze wrażenia użytkownika dla odwiedzających.
Reklama
Reklamowe pliki cookie służą do dostarczania odwiedzającym odpowiednich reklam i kampanii marketingowych. Te pliki cookie śledzą odwiedzających w witrynach i zbierają informacje w celu dostarczania spersonalizowanych reklam.
